I know I shouldn’t be texting you (it goes against every best judgement I have, given how upset you were the last time we texted) … but hopefully you hear me out here.

Dammit. The past two days have been really hard and I wish I at least had you as a friend. I think it’s this whole gay thing and how sometimes it can be such a lonely experience. I think I told you before about that co-worker I totally crushed on for the longest and, well, old habits die hard, I guess. It’s such a suck-y situation. But that’s not the point … the thing is that I took a long walk today … I just needed to be outside of the office and needed to have my feelings in a safe place … that’s when I realized again how incredibly lonely this whole thing is. I wonder if it was even harder for you back in the day. I would imagine so. Maybe it’s still hard.

Towards the end of the hour I made my way into the church right around the corner from my office. I prayed. I think that was about the only thing I had left. It felt good … but in a way, still lonely.

Do you know that feeling?

I think praying is what my mom would tell me to do. I wondered what advice you would have. I thought about how nice it would be to have a friend who understood. That’s what prompted this text.

Sorry for all these feelings. You’d be justified in thinking I’m a bit pathetic. You have no responsibility here. Maybe you don’t have to reply. I’m not expecting anything. Maybe writing these things out is just what I need. Maybe I’ll just start a blog and name it Penpal or something.

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